So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
