ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We are two peas in an std pod
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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