i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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