I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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