y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
