I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
