I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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