are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
