You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
