New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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