dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
