It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
