So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
