you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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