Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
