singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
