just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
