I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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