Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think your dad took our porno
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
