I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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