I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
