Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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