I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
