Everything about him screamed your future.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
