Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
