I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
