Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
