NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i think i just lost a toe
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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