I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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