well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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