Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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