so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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