Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
