You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
