looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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