You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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