I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think my vagina is haunted
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
