Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
