So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
