I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
two words: eviction party
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I need a hoe opinion
go on
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
