Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
