I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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