She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
