Kareoke will never be a sober sport
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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