apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
