I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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