I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
