I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Randomize
