Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
