you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
