I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
