I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We need to get me chipped asap
I use my feet as sexual weapons
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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