erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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