We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We need to get me chipped asap
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
