I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
