She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
