I am spending my child support on dildos
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
