You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
