I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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