oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
17 year olds will be the death of me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
