I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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