No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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